Turning "Have To" Into "Want To"



Yesterday I had the day off. I got up at my usual time of 5 AM, which allowed me to enjoy a cup of coffee, a quiet house, a little writing, and a bike workout before the kids got up. 

After dropping the kids off at school, I realized how nice it was outside. I checked the weather app on my phone. 42 degrees in January! In central Illinois, you have to take advantage of nice winter days when you can!

I thought, Man, I should have planned to go for a run today, instead of riding the exercise bike.

I had plenty of things on my "to do" list, but I really wanted to get outside for a little while. So despite being showered, dressed, and ready for the day, I threw on some running clothes, and I went for an (unintended) second workout.

I’m so glad I did. It felt great to jog outside in the fresh air.

If you find this annoying (I would have found it annoying a few years ago)… please understand this:

I didn't always feel this way.

There was a time when exercise was something I absolutely dreaded. It would have been dreadful enough to do one workout... and there's no way I would have considered a second.

Yet somewhere along the way, this changed for me. Exercise became something I no longer had to do, but something I genuinely wanted to do. It became something that I truly enjoy.

How did it happen?

Getting (& Staying) Motivated

A question I hear a lot is, How can I get motivated to…

  • Workout

  • Eat healthy

  • Lose weight

  • Get in shape

  • Etc.

There are lots of tips that can help. Things like:

  • Making it fun

  • Making it a part of your routine

  • Doing it with others (if you like others, lol)

  • Charting your progress

  • Rewarding yourself

  • Etc.


However, I think it’s important to understand this:

Motivation is needed for the things we DON’T want to do.

We don’t need motivation for the things we WANT to do.

The secret, then, is turn those things we HAVE to do into things that we truly WANT to do. Once we’ve achieved that, we’re golden.

The Process

There’s a process you go through when turning things you have to do into things you truly want to do.

When you understand this, you realize that lack of motivation and frustration are a normal part of the process.

No need to beat yourself up about it. Honor where you are in the process, and understand that if you stick with it, it gets easier.

What is the process, you ask? Interestingly, it’s a form of culture shock.

Culture Shock

I've traveled and moved a fair amount during my life, and I used to work with international students. So culture shock is a concept I know well. 

Culture shock is the personal disorientation a person may feel when experiencing an unfamiliar way of life. [1]

When you decide to embark on a new, healthier way of life, it's a culture change. Although you’re (probably) not traveling to a foreign place, you are still venturing into new territory.

As you leave your old way of life behind and become accustomed to this new way of life, there are four natural stages you go through. These stages are:

Stage 1: Honeymoon

In this stage everything is new and exciting. Enthusiasm and motivation are high. Differences between the old and new way of life are romanticized.

If you are currently in this stage, enjoy it! But beware... It won't last. Be prepared for what's coming next.

Stage 2: Frustration

In this stage, differences between the old and new way of life become apparent. The excitement wears off, and frustration sets in. You realize that the new way is not comfortable and not easy. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that this is normal. It's really tempting to give up and go back to your old way of life, where things are not so difficult. But it's important to hang in there.

This is the most difficult stage. If you can make it past this stage, it gets easier from here! 

Stage 3: Adjustment

In this stage you’re becoming accustomed to the new way of life. New habits and routines start to feel more natural. Your attitude/outlook improves.

This is when you realize, Hey this isn't as bad as I thought. This is getting easier. I'm feeling pretty good!

Things start to get good here. You start to see progress and feel proud of yourself.

Stage 4: Adaptation

In this stage you are able to participate comfortably and fully in the new way of life. It feels easy and natural.

When it comes to healthy lifestyle changes, this is the stage where "have to" evolves into "want to." Over time, you learn to love the new way of life more than your old one… because you feel so much better!

In fact, if you go back to your old ways, you’ll likely feel “off,” which will motivate you to get back on track.

You might even find yourself doing things that you once thought were insane -- like heading outside for a second workout. :)

Remember, it gets harder before it gets easier. 

As you work on a healthier lifestyle, It helps to:

  • Be aware of the process.

  • Be prepared for frustration (which is normal).

  • Pick yourself up when you fall, and stick with it!

  • Know that it gets easier with time and practice.

How about you?

Can you think of a time when you went through the stages of culture shock? How did it feel when you made it to the adaptation stage? I’d love to hear from you. Leave me a comment below!

If you like tips/tricks to make healthy living simple, enjoyable, and sustainable, then I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. This is where I share new posts and exclusive content!

1. Oxford Macionis, John, and Linda Gerber. "Chapter 3 - Culture." Sociology. 7th edition ed. Toronto, ON: Pearson Canada Inc., 2010. 54.

This post was originally published on January 4, 2017. It was updated on 1/31/22.

Mindset, HabitsKiley OwenComment