Choose Your Identity (Stop Self-Sabotage)
Let's talk about identity for a moment...
Identity is a story we tell ourselves about who we are and what we do.
For example, these are some things that I identify with:
From the Midwest
Wife and mom
Physician assistant
Passionate about lifestyle medicine
Personal development junkie
Like simplicity and minimalism
Love to travel
Foodie
Etc.
Now here's something that I wouldn't add to the list:
F-350 diesel Power Stroke enthusiast.
If you have no idea what that means, it's a person who loves a particular type of big truck... Someone like my husband.
We have one of these trucks. It's about 20 years old, and it's my husband's baby. At one point he took the entire thing apart, sanded it down, repainted it, and put it back together with some extra bells and whistles.
This project took years... but he enjoyed it, and he's proud of it. You could say that his love for this truck has become a part of his identity.
Recently my car ended up in the shop, needing some repairs... so guess what I had to drive in the drop-off line at my kids' school?
You guessed it. The Power Stroke (a.k.a. "The Stroke").
Did I mention that this thing is practically a monster truck?
(Me wheeling into the school yard.)
Okay, that might be a little dramatic... but it's how I feel when I'm driving it.
My awkwardness was palpable. I was hoping nobody would notice, and I couldn't wait to get out of the situation.
Why? Because it's out of character for me. I'm used to blending into the sea of mom-mobiles. Driving this huge, loud truck felt so weird.
"Nothing to see here. Just picking up my two elementary kids in a beast that can tow 20,000 pounds."
My husband on the other hand? That guy is on cloud nine when driving it. (Especially if it's pulling a boat.) He's all smiles and big waves. ✋🏼👍🏼
“Man, this truck is awesome.”
Why does the same situation provoke such different experiences?
It's all about identity.
My husband identifies with being an F-350 Power Stroke guy, while I do not. Because he identifies with this role, driving the truck feels natural and enjoyable to him. Because I don't, it's weird and uncomfortable for me.
You might be wondering what this has to do with leading a healthy lifestyle…
A lot, actually.
Our identity affects how we "play the part" of someone who leads a healthy lifestyle.
The Disconnect
For many people, on a subconscious level, there's a disconnect between how they see themselves and the new (healthier) role they wish to play.
Many of us have told ourselves negative stories about our identity for a long time. Things like:
I'm not capable of that.
I have no willpower.
I never finish what I start.
I don't deserve success.
When that's what we identify with, it can feel strange and awkward to play a different role (the role of someone who does what they say they'll do and who sees success).
Self-Sabotage
The brain doesn't like strange and awkward. It interprets this as "unsafe." In an effort to protect us, the brain will try to lead us to what is familiar and easy. This is where self-sabotage comes into play.
Ever been on a roll with your fitness routine, look in the mirror and think, "Wow, I look pretty good!" Then, for some strange reason, you proceed to go crazy on junk food shortly after?
That's self-sabotaging behavior.
The brain is having a hard time with "Wow, I look good." It doesn't fit the story it knows. It feels weird and out of place. (Like me in my husband's truck.)
The brain looks for a way to get back to the story it knows. Even though overeating junk food is what you're trying to stop doing, this is where the brain has learned to feel safe and comfortable.
Changing Your Identity
This is why it's so important that we tell ourselves a different story, and start to identify with the new behavior we want.
If you don't see yourself as a person who enjoys healthy food, it's going to be difficult to consistently eat healthy.
If you don't see yourself as a person who likes to be active, it's going to be difficult to stay consistent with physical activity.
At some point, we have to start telling ourselves, "This is who I am now." Or at least "This is who I am becoming." And we need to prove it through daily actions.
With time and repetition, it won't feel as unfamiliar. We will start to believe the new story. The brain will have proof of the new story (from our consistent actions and achievements). Once this happens, the new behavior fits the identity and becomes a way of life.
How About You?
I’d love to hear about your experience in changing your identity into a new, healthier one. Please leave a comment below!
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This post was originally published on 5/18/21.